I lie. You lie. In public, we blame it on circumstances. Away from judging eyes, we acknowledge that somewhere, it was self-serving.
It gets problematic when the lines get blurred and those lies, after being repeated many times, appear to be true to you. You start believing them.
Let’s talk about a few scenarios. You are late to work. You cook up an excuse. You get away with it. Next morning, you feel a little less anxious about hitting the snooze button because you know that you can get away.
Next up is filters and photo editing apps. Brightening face to slimming down hips, all are on the table. I have seen bloggers tamper with their images to create an “enhanced” versions of themselves. And eventually, they are truly disoriented about how they really look. “It makes my waist look like it’s 38 inches wide! But it’s not. You have seen my latest photoshoot, right Shaheen?” Amm.
Then it gets serious. Introducing emotions. Stockholm syndrome is a classic example. Your intuition screams that the situation is unfair and you are living less than you deserve, but your vision is now skewed and you justify the sadism. He’s upset. He had a rough day at work. He’s tired. I nag too much. I need too much. It’s not me he’s upset at. He didn’t mean to strike me. I am just clumsy and tripped – that explains the blue eye. And it only gets worse from there on. Lies that you chose to believe, and lies that you feed your mind and heart to justify your inability to face the reality and take control.
I think women tend to lie a lot more than men do. It may be because women lie to themselves to make up for shortcomings of others and resulting disappointments.
For example, I met a girl who I thought I could try to be friends with. I knew she wasn’t my type (snobby much?) but I wanted to make an effort. I tried. I told myself she’s a nice person. I looked away when her boy craziness got a little out of hand. I pretended to believe her when she hid things, and fed me lies. I tried, because I really wanted to give it a shot. I lied as well, to myself. I justified every action, until this evening when it made me too uncomfortable to be in her company. And I walked away.
I am rambling. I am potentially upset and don’t want to be. I don’t want to accept that I cared. I don’t want to accept that someone could look straight into my eye and lie, and I would fall for it. I am irritated that I forced myself into something instead of trusting my gut.
In recent years, I have come to realise that I love my own company. I have zero remorse over distancing myself from people who I don’t enjoy or appreciate. I have become selective, which is an essential part of growing up. My threshold for negativity, bullshit and lies is at an all-time low, and it will only get lower going forward.
Does that mean I am becoming less forgiving and more impatient? I don’t think so. I am finally coming to terms with my personal likes and dislikes, and being okay with it. Approvals don’t matter.
What do I want to say to you? Don’t put yourself in a situation where you have to lie. Especially to yourself. You have it in you to walk away from people who don’t belong. Moreover, you are capable of loving all of yourself without filters. Sit yourself in front of the mirror for five minutes tonight and see magic happen. You are beautiful and so easy to love.
Listen, let’s not lie. About anything. About anyone. From this second onwards…