I can’t ‘owe it’ to anyone – how do I fix it?

I have had this problem for as long as I can remember. I just can’t owe it. My dad taught me to always give, and I took the lesson a bit too far.

Let me explain.

It started when I was in school. We used to exchange greeting cards on Eid and gifts on birthdays. I always looked for the best one. I didn’t want to receive the most spectacular card – I wanted to give it.

It was harmless then. Many years later, I justified it as a pursuit for excellence, and then quickly looked away before obvious questions raised their hand.

When I got my first job, I opened a bank account and then got incessant calls to get a credit card. I just couldn’t. I can’t make myself spend the money that I don’t have just yet. I declined, and was eventually left alone.

It’s only recently that I began to spot a pattern. When I go to a friend’s house or meet someone, I make it a point to take a little something along as a present. You would think it’s good manners, when essentially it is the fear of having nothing to offer in case they present something.

Now, ready to launch my very own business, the world wants me to get it partially financed by a bank loan instead of raising 100% of the capital through my savings. But I can’t do it. I don’t understand if it’s because I am a control freak or I can’t adjust to the idea of owing it to anybody, be it a bank or capital ventures.

Whatever classes I managed to attend in university taught me the importance of balance in financing your business. It can’t be 100% your own capital. It is wrong on all accounts. Businesses flourish in collaboration and when resources are not tied to a single bank account. I understand what’s on paper.

I need help. How do I fix it? Have you ever felt this way? Is there a logic strong enough to change my mindset? A reason valid enough to sway my belief?

Let’s hear it from you, entrepreneur.

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