I was recently in conversation with an old friend, who got married earlier this year and is expecting her first child. I was truly happy for her as she had wanted to be a mommy since she was seven.

The conversation soon turned tables and the dreaded question followed after a five second lapse in the conversation. “So when are you going to have a baby? Is there a complication? I know a fantastic gynaecologist if you are looking for one.”

“I don’t know when will I have kids. I am not ready for them just yet,” I explained with a poker face. What followed made me want to kill myself. “You do understand that you are creating obstacles in God’s way. It’s an unforgivable sin,” she said. Then I wanted to kill her.


Thankfully, it’s not easy to get through to me anymore, as far as baby-producing interrogations are concerned. Also, I am an expat in a land where getting married is a big deal. I am already a superstar for the ring on my finger.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t get my share of an earful. All hail the power of connectivity. I have been offered such “creative” reasons to have a child that I just cannot not share them with you:

  1. Why did you get married if not to have children? Because I wanted to wear that gorgeous red lehnga and lots of jewellery. Also, how else could I justify Rs.30,000 for makeup?
  2. God must be really mad at you for not having a baby. That’s why your nail broke. See? That’s a sign. I am doomed!
  3. Don’t worry about taking care of her/her college fee. S/he brings his own fortune. So I have parked myself outside a maternity ward to see what that cheque every child brings along says.
  4. Just have it. We will take care of it. Then how about YOU have it? I am not going through life-threatening danger because you need a toy to play with darling.
  5. You are getting older by the second. Last I checked, I was 28. Hmph.
  6. She got married with you and she already had two children. Good for her.
  7. Salma Aunty who lives next to your father’s sister was asking. Everyone wants to know when will you have a baby. We need to answer them. What’s her number? She and I need to have a talk.
  8. Everyone will think there is some kind of problem with either or both of you. Why do you want to bring a bad name to yourself? I am going to keep my medical records and ID card handy, if anyone is interested.
  9. He’s an only son. Imagine how deprived his mom must feel because of you. I have the coolest MIL. So that really doesn’t really cut it.
  10. Your grandma really wants to see her grand-grandchild. Who knows how long will she be with us. She has 20 other grandchildren, out of which 10 already have a baby or two. What’s the obsession with my fetus? She hardly remembers me! So, NO.
  11. A baby gives your relationship meaning and strengthens your bond. If that were the case, parents would never get divorced. A relationship between a man and woman needs to be self-sufficient, if they are to make half decent parents.

Have you ever experienced this passive-aggressive nagging? Let’s​ hear it. Please don’t let me be the only mortified person here!