No matter how wonderful the man, there will always be a point when he disappoints you; a moment that just leaves you at best deflated, and at worst very angry. Jules Filsell, relationship expert at eHarmony shares her relationship advice on what to do when he disappoints you.
The problem is that when a man disappoints us, as women we will often just ignore what’s happened, pressing down emotions in case he thinks we’re high maintenance.
But by continually doing so we are just storing up our emotions for an explosion further down the line! Instead, tackling those feelings straight away can make a huge difference.
He never picks up the phone
Women are more outwardly emotional creatures than men, and we generally prefer to have a good ol’ natter over the phone, rather than exchanging endless texts or emails.
But, if you find your man prefers to drop a quick text rather than pick up the phone you might feel let down. Maybe you’re worried you’re dealing with a shy guy or that he’s simply not that into you.
Don’t say: “Why don’t you call me?” This will instantly make him go on the defensive, and will probably make him even less likely to call you. As we all know, but fail to remember, pressuring someone to do something rarely works.
Do say: “I love hearing your voice”: This is a much more softly, softly approach, and flatters his ego a little. Hopefully it’s even true! When he does call, tell him you miss him, and make sure you reinforce how much you’ve enjoyed speaking to him on the phone.
He’s late for something important
Maybe he’s promised to take you out for a meal to celebrate your anniversary and he’s not back from work yet, or perhaps he’s meant to be meeting your parents and he’s not showed up. Whatever the situation, if you’re a stickler for punctuality there’s nothing that’ll disappoint you more.
Don’t say: “I can’t believe you did this! This is totally unacceptable!” For one thing, if this is the first time he’s been late for you, give him a break, it happens to everyone. Even if he has been late before, going off on a rant won’t help and will probably just put a cloud over the whole night.
Do say: “I’ve noticed we’re often late for things, what can we do to change that?” This response puts the onus on both of you to solve the issue.
It’s not about HIS lateness, or HIS forgetfulness, it’s about tackling things as a couple. You probably won’t feel like it should be your responsibility too – after all, you may be pretty punctual – but bite the bullet on this one.
He brings up his ex…all the time
It’s a fact of life that exes get mentioned in relationships. After all, it would be weird if you never discussed your past, as it had a big part in making you who you are today.
But when exes get mentioned repeatedly, you are well within your rights to feel annoyed or even upset. Maybe he’s not over her, or maybe he’s just testing you, but blowing up at him isn’t the answer.
Don’t say: “If you mention her name again, it’s over!” Ultimatums rarely work, nor do absolutes. And unfortunately banning something makes it even more intriguing.
Do say: “Hearing you talk about xxx makes me feel uncomfortable. Is there a reason why you bring her up?”
Approaching any conversation in an adult way usually results in an adult response. If he doesn’t realise what he’s doing, this should make him think a bit more. And if he does, this may at least extract an explanation from him. It might be easier to give him a gift though to reduce his stresses.
He‘s always out with ‘the boys’
When two people enter a relationship, they suddenly find they have to change their behaviour from ‘single’ to ‘committed.’ Often at least one half of the couple will try and cling onto their single life, which can lead to problems and inequalities.
Don’t say: “I expect you to spend at least 3 nights a week with me!” Again, laying down rules doesn’t work. He will feel trapped, and frankly giving him a quota of time he must spend with you will lead to you two being unhappy together rather than apart.
Do say: “I love that you’ve got your own social life, but it’d be great if we could do something special this week, your choice.”
Put the ball in his court. Giving him control of the time you spend together (at least this time around) will let him know you trust him, and you’re happy.