There are a few things that men can do that women can’t. They can pee standing up, for instance, and go topless in the local park without fear of arrest.
The boys are very proud of these ‘talents’, and why wouldn’t they be? Sporting nicely tanned moobs – perhaps while peeing behind a tree – is surely every man’s right.
But then there are all the things women can do that men can’t. Quite frankly, we might have compiled a list of about 150, but we’ve kept it to 10 to avoid accusations of bragging. So enjoy the 10 things women can do that men can’t, safe in the knowledge that there are plenty more where they came from.
Live a long time
Men can pee standing up. We live an extra four years (on average). Most women wouldn’t swap.
And some women will live wayyyy longer than their men – certainly long enough to nab another (richer, younger) husband. As of 2008, there were 8,360 women over 100, and just 1,280 men.
There are downsides to being pregnant, of course, like getting to know how a beached whale feels for the final couple of months and all the hideousness that comes with squeezing the little figure-wrecker out at the end of it all.
But really, the upsides of creating and nurturing a new life make everything else pale into insignificance. For nine months women do something amazing, while men stand on the sidelines massaging our feet and making us cups of tea (if they know what’s good for them).
Ask for things
We don’t have masculine pride stopping us from asking for help, which is why we tend to get to places quicker and do things better than men (most of the time). And while we’re at it, we’re better at making new friends, sharing our problems and resolving disputes too.
Fact is, all these traits are good for us, because they keep our stress levels down. So you could say a lack of masculine pride is one reason we tend to live longer lives than our male counterparts (did we mention that one already?)
Have one, then another, then another…
We’re talking orgasms, rather than pints (we admit we’re not so good at multiple pints). So while our men are waiting to get their mojo back (sometimes till the next morning!), we can lie back and let them pleasure us. For hours.
Oh, and we don’t suffer from performance anxiety, brewer’s droop or hair trigger problems. So one really big thing that women can do and men can’t is truly enjoy a good sex session, without any of the accompanying anxieties of manhood.
But suppose it’s not a good sex session. In fact, imagine it’s a really bad sex session with someone who is both lovably well-meaning and frustratingly cack-handed. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, and you don’t want his horrible, clumsy pawing to go on any longer. Simple – you fake it. We’d love to see a man pull that one off (so to speak!).
Wear skirts, wear trousers, wear anything
Let’s face it, anyone who’s ventured up to the man bit of GAP knows the horrible truth of it. Most men’s clothes are dull with a capital D.
The fact is, we can wear trousers, but they can’t wear skirts. We can wear shirts, but you won’t catch many men in a nice maxi dress. We can wear pretty much anything, and men are stuck with, well, men’s clothes.
And don’t even get us started on colour! The blue/brown/grey rut is something most women have to try to drag their men out of at some point in a relationship (usually the end).
You’re probably reading this while talking to your friend on the phone and doing a few warm up stretches before the gym. That’s because you’re a woman. If you were a man you’d be reading this and doing Nothing Else Whatsoever. Because the nearest men get to successful multitasking is lifting a beer to their lips with one hand while scratching their scrotums with the other.
Make it up
Had a bad night or feeling a bit under the weather? If you’re a woman, you can just slap on the, er, slap and look (and feel) better in an instant. Cheeks rosy? Check. Dark circles gone? Check. Acne obscured? Check check check.
Boys may have a few cosmetic tricks of their own these days, but most of them don’t dabble beyond moisturiser. That’s why a hangover leaves you feeling bad but looking good, and leaves him feeling bad and looking homeless.
Become aroused …without anyone noticing
So you’re out with your boyfriend and he introduces you to his cousin, who just happens to be the hottest guy in the whole world ever. As they talk football, you conjure up a delectable fantasy involving both of them, a waterbed and a barrel of baby oil. Then you walk to the bar and order another round of drinks.
On the other hand, introduce your boyfriend to your hot new friend and he’d better keep his dirty little fantasies to himself. Because when he gets up to go to the bar…well, you’re going to know.
Enjoy each other’s company
And we mean, really enjoy it. You see, even straight women can dance together, hug, tell each other how beautiful they are, even kiss, and the only thought going through the minds of male onlookers is “phwoar”.
And on the other side of the coin, let one straight bloke accidentally brush his arm against the thigh of another and the result is uproar and innuendo or, if they’re good friends, a solemn undertaking never to mention the horrible, shameful incident again. And can you imagine the furore if a man told his mate that he “looks really hot tonight”!? World War Three may start this way.