Woman flirting with uninterested male friend in a coffee house
Kristen McGuiness asked her Nana (her grandma), the hottest mama on block, her flirting secrets-even after being on the wrong side of 50, she managed to have men tripping over themselves after all!
Granny revealed the following ABCs:
1. Always Be Confident
“The problem with women these days,” Nana shares, “is that they are too desperate. They are willing to put out, but they won’t just go up to a guy and start talking to him, they want the guy to come to them. When I would go to clubs, I would say, ‘Here I come, you lucky b—— s,’ because Miss Cool was walking into the club. Walk up and act like you’re a buddy, you’re just part of the group. Don’t treat them like a stranger, treat them like Wendy Williams does, say, ‘How ya doing?’”
But Nana’s advice doesn’t end there (this is why I’m still in therapy): “You should always have tan legs because milk white legs are not appealing. I sound like Joan Rivers but that’s true. Better your legs be tan than your face, honest to God! That’s my theory. And bright pink toenail polish, that’s another one. People notice, that’s why when I go to Los Angeles, everyone says, ‘Oh I love your toenail polish, even though they’re gay.’”
2. Always Be Complimenting
Nana explains that nothing breaks the ice like a compliment, “Tell them, ‘Gee, you’re so cute,’ or ‘Oh, I love your hair.’ Guys like it when you like their hair. Also, ‘Boy, you’re buff, do you work out a lot?’ or ‘If I were only fifty years younger, you’d be my type.’ I say that one a lot.”
I try to explain that this last one really doesn’t work for my demographic, but Nana disagrees, “Why not? It will make them laugh.” She explains that the compliment is just the conversation starter. I ask Nana if that’s what she did to pick up her husbands. She snickers, “Oh, they picked me up. With my first husband, he had a garage and I worked in the record store and I used to walk by there real sexy. I was 12. I’m sure I complimented him too. I always loved men, even then.” Ah, Nana Lolita, knocking them dead since pre-pubescence. No wonder I am so far behind her game, at 12, I could barely say hello to boys my age, let alone the local mechanic.
3. Always Be Curious
“You have to ask questions,” Nana advises. “Did I tell you what happened with the electric company?” I am not sure what this has to do with picking up men, but I go along with it. Nana is pleased I haven’t heard this one, “Well, my electric bill is so high that I usually only pay half of it, but this time, I got a disconnection notice, and so I got a guy on the phone and he said I wouldn’t be disconnected. I told him that I wasn’t sure I could trust him so I would need his name, his address, his phone number, I was just being funny, you know. And he told me his name was Vince Edwards. Do you remember Vince Edwards from Dr. Casey?”
Again, I don’t what this has to do with picking up men, and I have no clue who she is talking about. She explains, “Dr. Casey was this real old TV show, it was one of the first medical dramas. Anyway, I ask the guy if he was named after the show, and he gets real excited because I guess he was, his mother loved the show, but nobody remembers it. So I asked him where he lives, and he told me Panama. Panama!! Why is my electric company in Panama? I couldn’t believe it. So you see, you should always ask questions, especially if they are in a call center. Because of my electric bill being disconnected, I got to talk to Vince Edwards in Panama!”
Being confident, offering compliments, and asking questions are all you need to approach the cute guy standing across the room, looking around like he would rather be anywhere else, but secretly wishing that some girl would come up to him, tell him she loves his hair, and ask him his name and where he’s from. We are all Miss Cool, and it’s about time, we let it out, declaring, “Here we come, you lucky b—— s,” and meeting some men in the process.
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