Here’s why we always fall for jerks. And how to stop doing it.

While scrolling through the many humorous status updates posted by friends on Facebook and Twitter to lighten up my day, I found myself delving back into the ancient battle of good vs. evil.  The author of one of the posts is an acquaintance – a divorced woman and seasoned dater – she’s been there and done that; her stories are the kind you would see on Lifetime.  As I read in disbelief, I thought to myself – I MUST settle this once and for all….

She wrote:  “Where did all the nice guys go? Has anyone seen these elusive creatures? If so, let me know!”

My tongue-in-cheek response:  “Yeah, they’re EVERYWHERE; you’re just too busy stepping all over them in pursuit of the jerks! Wake up and smell the coffee!”

At one point or another, every woman confesses – there’s something about jerks.  The erratic behavior, the unapologetic attitude, the nonchalance with which they carry themselves among other things reek of confidence, and like chocolate, these qualities make them irresistible.

But why?  Why are women attracted to this type?  Why not take the gentleman that will shower you with roses and serve you breakfast in bed every morning?  Why not the guy who will write your name on the moon just to see you smile?  I can already picture the nice guys reading this asking (out loud): “Yeah, WHY?!”

Bad Boy fever

Let’s face it, if someone were to come up to you and hand you a suitcase with a million bucks in it, you’d be thrilled, right?  You didn’t have to work for it, it was just served on a silver platter.  Great.  But then you realize, this was easy – too easy.  The sense of reward and accomplishment are virtually non-existent, and I’m willing to bet that there will be a void in your mind and heart that will haunt you as you purchase your 9th pair of Jimmy Choo’s.  It just won’t feel right, you didn’t earn it – there was no challenge.

It is in our human nature to always want what we can’t have.  We crave a solid challenge, an obstacle, be it consciously or subconsciously.  When we fight hard for something and finally earn it, we will gladly invest energy and time to maintain it.  Women need that stimulation, its healthy for them – and ladies, the jerk is the very definition of this, he is a master in this art.  He takes two steps forward and one step back, he keeps you on your toes wanting more.

Nice guys finish last

You’ve seen it on TV, read it in magazines, heard it in songs and even in grandma‘s lectures: Nice guys finish last.  The nice guy is great.  It’s the guy you want to take home to mom, Nora Roberts’s stamp of approval included.  This fella will go out of his way to please you; he offers respect, admiration and only has eyes for you.  So why is it that he cannot catch a flight to Planet Sexy from Planet Friend Zone?  Why is he never given a chance?

The nice guy does not understand the definition of a challenge.  No challenge = turnoff.  You say jump, he jumps.  He is always available, attainable and his behavior is predictable. Predictability is boring.  Although he may be confident, his “gentlemanly” qualities will eclipse and even conceal his confidence.  He is the million dollar suitcase that fell into your lap as gently as a feather without you doing anything.  Although he has the best intentions, he fails to fire up your senses.  The nice guy is simply not equipped with the tools needed to stimulate women in a romantic and sexual manner.  The price they pay for this is a one-way ticket to the infamous friend zone.

“But he really IS a nice guy…”

Whether you’re involved in a great relationship or you have a dreamy piece of meat in your sights, you will beg to differ with the idea that he might actually be a jerk.  If he was that way, you probably would not even be with him in the first place, right?

When we like someone or find them favorable, our opinions of them will be positive.  Take for example a person you strongly dislike – now picture asking their circle of friends what they think of this person.  You will hear nothing but good qualities.  It all depends on YOUR interpretation of the subject, it’s a matter of perspective.  If you like him, then he is automatically a nice, good guy.  Its about how he makes you feel and not about the way he really is.  This gives credence to the popular saying “love is blind.”

The solution

Making excuses as to why you’re into a guy with a criminal record longer than a 7 year-old’s Christmas list is energy poorly spent.  Instead, recognize that we ultimately cannot choose who we are attracted to. Attraction is an involuntary, organic process.  Accept the fact that you do indeed require a healthy challenge regardless of your age and maturity.  This concept is not limited to adolescence, it leaks all the way into late-adulthood.

All we ask is that you please exercise caution.  If your beau does not make you feel like a lady, give it a second thought.  Never tolerate or become numb to any form of abuse or harassment, no matter how bad you want to keep him around.  Wanting to “change” him is only an excuse, a myth developed by the general public in order to justify illogical reasoning.  If you’re open to the idea, give that nice guy a chance – give him the benefit of the doubt, he won’t disappoint.

Nice guys, no one is telling you to tattoo flaming skulls on your chest and trade in your Prius for a Mustang (or a Chevy, if you really dare to go all the way); all you need to achieve is a delicate balance.  Be a gentleman, a personable and affectionate character; just throw in a tablespoon of dignity, a pinch of leadership and a hint of creativity and you’ll be well on your way.

Ladies, its okay to keep the million dollar suitcase; however, don’t feel guilty if you pick the 100 million dollar jackpot that is paid in installments only after you break your back for it.  Enjoy the chase!

About Shaheen Rajan 1355 Articles
Need coffee, romance, fashion and manicure to survive. KHI - DXB - CGN


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