It’s one heck of a long title, right?
This romantic drama, Sleeping with Other People, was released in 2015, but I only got to watching it last night. And it brought to surface the one most important thing that we need to remember about relationships; the one that is now buried under societal expectations, media influence and peer pressure.
In some societies, people prefer to look away from the reality that young girls and boys, barely in their teens, are getting intimate with each other, without any emotional involvement – sex is now a thing people do. In other places, it’s the expected way to step into teenage.
The whole idea of sex being an expression of love is now considered old school; to which all I can say is – I feel bad for you. I realised this recently at another occasion as well – when we went to watch Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. Ranbir and Anushka met and were all over each other in a span of five minutes. Tops. What happened to wining and dining, boys?
Now, I am not going to ask you to keep your pants on. You are free to make that decision. However, I want you to think of what constant and careless pant dropping means, and what it is depriving you of.
So in this particular movie, Sleeping With Other People, two college students lose their virginity to each other, and immediately disappear from each others’ lives. Life goes on, and they become serial cheaters. Jason Sudeikis just cannot remain faithful, while Alison Brie keeps on going back to her unrequited love. In their own ways, they are both trying hard to not let go and risk the pain.
A decade later, they meet again, and decide to stick to platonic friendship. To ward off the usual boy-girl frustration, they coin a safe word, so the other person knows when things are getting hot and backs off. It’s ‘mousetrap’.
After years of sexual-hopping, they are finally in a relationship with the opposite gender, where sex is not the focal point of interaction. They experience all that makes relationships worth it, despite the possible pain and heartbreak. They have someone to talk to, to joke around with, to call in the middle of the night, to go shopping with, to really understand their fears and dreams, and to get to know the person before bodily claims are made.
Finally understanding dawns, and Jason sums it up beautifully; he says that he has been able to have sex with all the other women because he was willing to lose them. Sex complicates things. But he’s ready to hold it off for Alison, because he really does not want to lose her.
Call it fluffy mush but it resonates with all that I believe in. Casual sex deprives you of feeling loved, of being able to love someone beyond physical pleasures, to invest emotionally and usually requires compromise on self-worth. I know it’s easy to give in, and options are plenty; also, emotional investment can sometimes run you dry out of the playing field. Damn, some might even assume that there is trouble in south and write you off as incompetent. Recuperate, and then give it a shot again.
All I can say is that being patient is worth it. Hold on until you find a person you like, and can have a conversation with. Or laugh with. Intimacy will mean so much more with someone you love.
Come back for me if it doesn’t. I will be right here.