I was recently in conversation with an old friend, who got married earlier this year and is expecting her first child. I was truly happy for her as she had wanted to be a mommy since she was seven.
The conversation soon turned tables and the dreaded question followed after a five second lapse in the conversation. “So when are you going to have a baby? Is there a complication? I know a fantastic gynaecologist if you are looking for one.”
“I don’t know when will I have kids. I am not ready for them just yet,” I explained with a poker face. What followed made me want to kill myself. “You do understand that you are creating obstacles in God’s way. It’s an unforgivable sin,” she said. Then I wanted to kill her.
Thankfully, it’s not easy to get through to me anymore, as far as baby-producing interrogations are concerned. Also, I am an expat in a land where getting married is a big deal. I am already a superstar for the ring on my finger.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t get my share of an earful. All hail the power of connectivity. I have been offered such “creative” reasons to have a child that I just cannot not share them with you:
- Why did you get married if not to have children? Because I wanted to wear that gorgeous red lehnga and lots of jewellery. Also, how else could I justify Rs.30,000 for makeup?
- God must be really mad at you for not having a baby. That’s why your nail broke. See? That’s a sign. I am doomed!
- Don’t worry about taking care of her/her college fee. S/he brings his own fortune. So I have parked myself outside a maternity ward to see what that cheque every child brings along says.
- Just have it. We will take care of it. Then how about YOU have it? I am not going through life-threatening danger because you need a toy to play with darling.
- You are getting older by the second. Last I checked, I was 28. Hmph.
- She got married with you and she already had two children. Good for her.
- Salma Aunty who lives next to your father’s sister was asking. Everyone wants to know when will you have a baby. We need to answer them. What’s her number? She and I need to have a talk.
- Everyone will think there is some kind of problem with either or both of you. Why do you want to bring a bad name to yourself? I am going to keep my medical records and ID card handy, if anyone is interested.
- He’s an only son. Imagine how deprived his mom must feel because of you. I have the coolest MIL. So that really doesn’t really cut it.
- Your grandma really wants to see her grand-grandchild. Who knows how long will she be with us. She has 20 other grandchildren, out of which 10 already have a baby or two. What’s the obsession with my fetus? She hardly remembers me! So, NO.
- A baby gives your relationship meaning and strengthens your bond. If that were the case, parents would never get divorced. A relationship between a man and woman needs to be self-sufficient, if they are to make half decent parents.
Have you ever experienced this passive-aggressive nagging? Let’s hear it. Please don’t let me be the only mortified person here!