Let’s face it: Women are complicated. But so are men. Both function in their own unique ways, perplexing the other gender en route. We often hear women complaining about how their men run in the opposite direction every time they mention marriage, settling down, commitment, ring and the likes. What many of us from the fairer gender do not understand is that the reaction stems more from the heat of expectation and fear of unknown, than the lack of love on their parts.
- 90 Days Rule: Studies confirm that men think about sex almost every 5 seconds. So, when a man looks at an attractive woman, his first impulse is to jump on her – hold him back. Do not give in to your sexual cravings; make him earn your “cookie”. This is what companies around the world do; they hire an employee, test him and after a probation period of 3 months (i.e. 90 days), they reward him with fringe benefits and compensation. Learn from them. A man who is a keeper will wait it out, while a player will move on. You will know soon.
- Do Not Compete: Love is not a race, so refuse to compete with people who are already in his life. Especially his mom. She carried him in her womb, gave birth to him, brought him up and contributed significantly in making him the man he is. You cannot compete with that. But you must not forget that you will be his soul mate, companion for life, mother of his children and best friend. If he’s a mama’s boy, ask him to prioritise and stick to his commitments to both women in order to avoid conflicts. (P.S. Mama’s boys make amazing family men, so you might not want to let that one go. However, they might lack confidence and shy away from being the virile man he can be; encourage and support him).
- Paycheck Doesn’t Matter, Potential Does: If you earn 6 figure salary, and are amongst top executives of your company, it is only natural that you expect your man to be on a similar financial footing, if not above. Unfortunately, cupid does not go through bank accounts before attacking. If your man currently earns less than you and is not at a glamorous position in his career, do not let it stop you from falling in love. What you must assess is his potential – can he do bigger and better in future? If yes, go ahead with the relationship. You can even help him find his footing without sabotaging his masculinity (and that, my dear, is a tricky business).
- Spell Out Your Expectations: Women tend to make the mistake of bending, till they snap. A friend of mine would pretend to be excited about her boyfriend’s obsession with sci-fic characters. She even allowed him to “decorate” their lounge with his garbage, and would only scream her disgust when she was alone with her BFF. She put up with his unemployment, borne out of laziness and not lack of ability, until she couldn’t take it anymore and decided to walk out. She could have avoided the tragic end by simply communicating what she wanted. Women must remember that they are an equal part of the relationship and have a right to happiness. Lowering your expectations under the excuse of love yields nothing but bitterness.
- Space: Cling and see him run in the other way; give him space and you will have him for life.