22nd April 2018

The Not-So-Grand Le Grand

For a change, I didn’t sleep away my weekend. I mean not all of it, that is. I sampled a café at Zamzama, and this piece is meant to serve as a review for it.
I was hungry (as usual) and was craving for scrumptious Jalapeño burger. I would have gladly driven to Kahva but I have been there so many times, I wanted to try something new. So after idly driving around Zamzama’s streets, we spotted Le Grand. I had heard good stuff about it, so thought ‘let’s try it out finally’.
A congenial ‘darban-like-dressed doorman opens the door for us, and we walk in to be kicked back by thick air, stinking of super-sweet Sheesha (Wasn’t Sheesha illegal as per the new law? I am anti-Sheesha, FYI). Brown, wooden, dimly lit and quiet is how I would describe it. Aspiring to create an environment like that of a local cowboy bar, Le Grand looks quiet decent when you enter it. Not overly comfy but certainly not like some teenage joint.

Lead upstairs by a smiling server, we were guided towards a set of couches, in a corner, next to a wide thick-glass wall/window. It was a little hot, and single settees are so not happening-especially if you have company. On top of, those couches were peeling! Hmm, now that is something I have never seen before.

Anyway, we were presented menus, and we flipped right to the section that listed burgers. Considering there were only 6-7 choices (and none that said Jalapeño *sniff*), we placed our orders. I choose their special burger and my company opted for Cordon Blu Burger-something. I took that time to freshen up my makeup, and walked towards the restroom on the ground floor…
Uni-sex restroom!! *horrified* Yes, there are no separate facility for ladies and men! It was appalling. Compromising with the force of nature, I quickly did the needful, refreshed my makeup, straightened my air blown hair and in the meantime, a cleaner almost knocked me over. He didn’t realize it was occupied, despite a small glass window in the door. That was enough to get me out in record time, and I strutted to my companion.
Alas, the food was served. Oh three little details that I forgot to mention:
1.       1. They offer non-alcoholic wine *ahem*
2.       2. When we came, a distant couch was occupied by a couple, whispering to each other and behaving like mannered adults. However, after I returned from the restroom, there was another couple (enjoying Sheesha and their conversation) and a bunch of O-Level kids, fussing about their order, who will pay and over-doing the f-word. So much for my opinion that it wasn’t some “teenage joint”
3.       3. Walls were adorned by Football! Champions, managers. Teams, etc-you name it, they had it!

Coming back to the food; we were served our food. Using a rather overdone rating scale, I shall tell you it was:

Presentation: 4/10:There was none! Put fries, place burger, throw in some coleslaw and serve
Temperature: 5/10:It was prepared at least two hours before we arrived; lettuce was DEAD!
Quantity: 7/10:It was rich in flavor, thus that adds to quantity
Flavor: 4/10:I shall elaborate on that just about now.
If you remember I ordered their special burger. Now when you have burgers from roadside, and choose a special one, what do they do? They add egg! And guess what, that’s what Le grand does as well! Their menu had brief description, but it didn’t mention fried egg anywhere! Furthermore, both the burgers had a tad too much black pepper-which again was nowhere in the description. My system doesn’t agree with either, so my companion filtered the burger for egg but black pepper was a lost cause. Thus, I had to stop half way.
Once done, I had to scream for the bill. For that, I won’t really blame the management as that bunch of kids was rather needy and had 3 waiters serving them. Finally, we paid and then had to wait for 10 minutes for them to return the change. By then, we were more than dome. Additionally, while we were waiting for them to bill us, two gentlemen took seats behind us and were rather obnoxiously (and unknowingly) smoking down my throat with their Sheesha. *cough cough*
There is another story that transpired while we were at Le Grand, but I am not sure if I will be writing about it or no. It was of a personal nature and won’t really contribute to the review.
To conclude, I won’t recommend or stop anyone from trying it out. It is just one of the places that you try out-random is the word.

About Shaheen 1060 Articles
Need coffee, romance, fashion and manicure to survive. KHI - DXB - CGN

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